Thursday, May 31, 2007

I'm not so sure about this

Yesterday I went tanning. That is a story unto itself because I am one of those girls that is against fake-baking. But, putting moral tanning dilemmas aside I will continue with my story. When I walk in the receptionist is showing someone how to work a bed in the back, so I take a seat in the waiting room. I was ready for her to tell me which room I was allowed to go into. As the receptionist walks out I realize two things that hit me in the chest hard as if the wind was knocked out of me.

The first thing I realized was that I knew this girl. We of course had gone to high school together but I had gone to high school with almost 6,000 people all together so no surprise there. I felt like I knew her well, as if I should have recognized her voice when I called to make an appointment earlier that day. I should have remembered her name and what I knew her from. I couldn't. The other thing I realized was that she was 8 months pregnant.
She kindly told me which room to go in with out asking my name. I went in and it took me almost the full 15 minutes to realize how I had known her.

She was my next-door-neighbor's best friend. I had played with her all the time when I was little. I had known her in high school as well, she had been pregnant then too. Her name was Krista.

I felt bad for not realizing who she was but I was more disturbed by the idea of her being pregnant. I didn't think that it was weird for her to be pregnant now, that was the problem. When she was pregnant in high school that was a little bit of a scandal as all teen-pregnancies are. But I'm not a teen any more. That girl who I hadn't seen in at least three years looked normal pregnant. She is of the age to where it is socially acceptable to have babies.

This means I'm to the age where it would be socially acceptable for ME TO HAVE A BABY?
I'm not okay with that! I'm way to young for those kinds of responsibilities. Then I remembered that when my mom was my age she had been married for three years and 7 months pregnant. I can't imagine having that sort of life right now.

I sat there in Tans to Glo in my wicker chair, unable to breathe for a second. I'm growing up!
It's weird to have these moments. I have had similar ones before. I have moments where I suddenly realize who I am, as if i hadn't noticed before. This was a scary feeling for me. It's hard to explain but maybe somewhere someone can understand.

1 comment:

  1. Wow. You just read my thoughts and put them into your blog as if they were your own. As my friends start having their second or third babies, each shower gets stuffier and stuffier until I can't breathe anymore. On the other hand, I just went to a Bridal shower. Haven't been to one of those in a long time. It was a breath of fresh air. This girl? She's with me. I can breathe easy with her for at least a year or so... I hope!

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